Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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