when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
