i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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