Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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