Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
