you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
