You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
