Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
