i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
