he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
