talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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