i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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