1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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