someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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