I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
