I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
