Will you blow on my dice?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Randomize
