What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
