I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
