had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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