apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
