And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
tonight lets celebrate not being married
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
