well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
