nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
