Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
