That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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