I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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