she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
