Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
