im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
