Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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