So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
