Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
