so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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