i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
