i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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