Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's shark week go big or go home
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
