You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
