failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
