people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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