I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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