i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
