we have officially lost it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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