sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
