Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
