i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
