and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
