I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
