I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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