Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
