the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
